Shame and Unworthiness 

There was once a man who had stories to tell.
He was uncertain as to what stories he should convey, or what vessel he should use. But he felt the urge to express something. He believed that he can express the uncertain through writing.

He applied for his school’s official student publication.
He knew for a fact that he couldn’t trust his writing. His grammar was good, but it wasn’t perfect. He could think of logic and draw philosophies out of simple ideas, but he had trouble expressing them. He had doubts. He could only rely on some charmspeak, as he is better at the spoken than the written.

The application was a three-part test of many aspects as a journalist. The first two parts were written tests, while the last one was an interview. He was most confident in the interview. He has been to several interviews in the past, some more stressful than others. He was calm and composed. He did his best in every test, but he felt great at the third one.

He was accepted.

Now as a member of the Collegiate Headlight, he feels doubt and uncertainty. He knows that he is ready for the challenge, but he questions if he is good enough. He asks himself, “Why am I even here? Am I even worthy?”

Being a part of the press, he is now bound to responsibilities. He has to follow rules and ethics, which he thought was already common sense. He now has to do tasks and he is no longer in command of his time. He realized maybe he is letting go his freedom so that others can be free. Figuratively speaking.

He also feels the burden and pressure. His senior writers and the editorial staff are so much better than him. These normal-looking people, who dryly crack jokes and fool around, are actually incredible writers with a deep sense of understanding as much as his own. Armed with reason and intellect, they can work and handle publications with professionalism. They are confident in their superior craft. He isn’t. He is doubtful.

He goes back to his motives. Why did he apply in the first place? His stories. He remembered. He has stories to tell. He has philosophies to share. He wants to prove his worth and let others know what he fights for. He wants to inspire others to action and instill critical minds to his audience. Imparting his values is his primordial objective.

He goes back to the table, now ready to face the challenges of being a writer. He will triumph, hopefully.

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